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The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.

Zach Braff

I don’t think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.
ZACH BRAFF

Minorities People Thinking
The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I’ll tell you that much.
ZACH BRAFF

Cry Differences Real
Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.
ZACH BRAFF

Appearance Development Dynamic
When you’re the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there’s no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
ZACH BRAFF

Directors Garden Line
People keep asking me whether I’m going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I’m like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.
ZACH BRAFF

Asking Leaders People
A lot of people say colonialism was ‘evil’ or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don’t think it should be considered ‘racist’ to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
ZACH BRAFF

Evil People Thinking
You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
ZACH BRAFF

Black Complaining People
I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
ZACH BRAFF

Baby Fighting Grieving
Now, I’m not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I’ll be quite clear. I’ve never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me.
ZACH BRAFF

Hero Idea Race
It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
ZACH BRAFF

Horse Kryptonite Weak
People ask me, ‘Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?’ I always tell them that there’s nothing on earth better than being famous.
ZACH BRAFF

Earth People Wish
Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it’s in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
ZACH BRAFF

Autograph Fake Ink Invisible Kids
I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.
ZACH BRAFF

Anything Distracted Procrastinating
It’s always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone’s looking to me for guidance.
ZACH BRAFF

Group Guidance White
I’m sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it’s all going according to plan and some weeks where you’re super frustrated.
ZACH BRAFF

Creative Frustrated People
I figure it this way – if a woman claims she didn’t want me to fudge her, then you already know she’s a liar. So what the hell’s the point of a trial, y’know?
ZACH BRAFF

Fudge Liar Trial

The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.

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The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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