I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
ZACH BRAFFThe problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
More Zach Braff Quotes
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I’m sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it’s all going according to plan and some weeks where you’re super frustrated.
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Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she’s saying. Come on, she’s a woman. But still, it’s very cute.
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I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.
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Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn’t they just swim to safety?
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Yea, he’s alright…but he’s no Zach Braff.
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I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
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Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter
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The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
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I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
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Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it’s in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
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Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
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When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
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It’s hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
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I really don’t give a care, I’m going to live for ever
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Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
ZACH BRAFF






