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You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

Zach Braff

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
ZACH BRAFF

Horse Kryptonite Weak
A lot of people say colonialism was ‘evil’ or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don’t think it should be considered ‘racist’ to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
ZACH BRAFF

Evil People Thinking
People ask me, ‘Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?’ I always tell them that there’s nothing on earth better than being famous.
ZACH BRAFF

Earth People Wish
Whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children’s hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
ZACH BRAFF

Cancer Children Heart
The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
ZACH BRAFF

Coke Enough Good Problem
The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way.
ZACH BRAFF

Issues Kid Thinking
I figure it this way – if a woman claims she didn’t want me to fudge her, then you already know she’s a liar. So what the hell’s the point of a trial, y’know?
ZACH BRAFF

Fudge Liar Trial
Now, I’m not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I’ll be quite clear. I’ve never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me.
ZACH BRAFF

Hero Idea Race
I donno, it’s not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.
ZACH BRAFF

Blind Ear Plugs
I really don’t give a care, I’m going to live for ever
ZACH BRAFF

Care Giving Really
Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter
ZACH BRAFF

Awful Guy Jesus
I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
ZACH BRAFF

Hype Own Understood
My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.
ZACH BRAFF

Actor Country People Star
Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
ZACH BRAFF

Parking Spot Spots
You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
ZACH BRAFF

Black Complaining People
I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.
ZACH BRAFF

Anything Distracted Procrastinating

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

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You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

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Popular Authors

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