Whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children’s hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
ZACH BRAFFIf I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
More Zach Braff Quotes
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I figure it this way – if a woman claims she didn’t want me to fudge her, then you already know she’s a liar. So what the hell’s the point of a trial, y’know?
ZACH BRAFF -
Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
ZACH BRAFF -
I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
ZACH BRAFF -
If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn’t send me here just once.
ZACH BRAFF -
It’s hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
ZACH BRAFF -
It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
ZACH BRAFF -
So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don’t see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.
ZACH BRAFF -
A lot of people say colonialism was ‘evil’ or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don’t think it should be considered ‘racist’ to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
ZACH BRAFF -
When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.
ZACH BRAFF -
You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
ZACH BRAFF -
The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way.
ZACH BRAFF -
Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.
ZACH BRAFF -
I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league – I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you’re interested.
ZACH BRAFF -
Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.
ZACH BRAFF -
People keep asking me whether I’m going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I’m like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.
ZACH BRAFF







