I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
ZACH BRAFFI once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
More Zach Braff Quotes
-
-
Whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children’s hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
ZACH BRAFF -
If I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
ZACH BRAFF -
If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn’t really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it’s light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
ZACH BRAFF -
Of course I don’t use my A-material, it doesn’t matter if they think I’m funny or not because they won’t be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.
ZACH BRAFF -
I don’t think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.
ZACH BRAFF -
I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
ZACH BRAFF -
I donno, it’s not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.
ZACH BRAFF -
Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
ZACH BRAFF -
I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
ZACH BRAFF -
Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter
ZACH BRAFF -
The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I’ll tell you that much.
ZACH BRAFF -
Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
ZACH BRAFF -
I can’t watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where’s the substantive news? Where’s the Zach Braff coverage?
ZACH BRAFF -
Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
ZACH BRAFF -
Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They’re probably still hanging there.
ZACH BRAFF