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Yea, he’s alright…but he’s no Zach Braff.

Zach Braff

It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It’s like denying the cure for polio or something.
ZACH BRAFF

Achievement Blow People
Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she’s saying. Come on, she’s a woman. But still, it’s very cute.
ZACH BRAFF

Country Cute Give People
If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn’t send me here just once.
ZACH BRAFF

Doe Exist God Reincarnation
People keep asking me whether I’m going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I’m like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.
ZACH BRAFF

Asking Leaders People
It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
ZACH BRAFF

Horse Kryptonite Weak
I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
ZACH BRAFF

Baby Fighting Grieving
Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
ZACH BRAFF

Cold Comfort Seat Toilet
The success of ‘Scrubs’ allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater.
ZACH BRAFF

Shopping Summer Worry
The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I’ll tell you that much.
ZACH BRAFF

Cry Differences Real
A lot of people say colonialism was ‘evil’ or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don’t think it should be considered ‘racist’ to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
ZACH BRAFF

Evil People Thinking
I really don’t give a care, I’m going to live for ever
ZACH BRAFF

Care Giving Really
I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.
ZACH BRAFF

Anything Distracted Procrastinating
The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
ZACH BRAFF

Coke Enough Good Problem
I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.
ZACH BRAFF

Great Lithium Parent Relationship
Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
ZACH BRAFF

Eyebrows Fake Mean
I’m a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don’t know the difference and, let’s face it, they aren’t going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
ZACH BRAFF

Differences Guy People

Yea, he’s alright…but he’s no Zach Braff.

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Yea, he’s alright…but he’s no Zach Braff.

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