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My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.

Zach Braff

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it’s in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
ZACH BRAFF

Autograph Fake Ink Invisible Kids
I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.
ZACH BRAFF

Anything Distracted Procrastinating
If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn’t really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it’s light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
ZACH BRAFF

Dark Garden Light
I really don’t give a care, I’m going to live for ever
ZACH BRAFF

Care Giving Really
I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.
ZACH BRAFF

Great Lithium Parent Relationship
I’m a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don’t know the difference and, let’s face it, they aren’t going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
ZACH BRAFF

Differences Guy People
So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don’t see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.
ZACH BRAFF

Gas Stations Mean Rights
It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It’s like denying the cure for polio or something.
ZACH BRAFF

Achievement Blow People
If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn’t send me here just once.
ZACH BRAFF

Doe Exist God Reincarnation
I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
ZACH BRAFF

Book Thinking Use
A lot of people say colonialism was ‘evil’ or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don’t think it should be considered ‘racist’ to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
ZACH BRAFF

Evil People Thinking
The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
ZACH BRAFF

Coke Enough Good Problem
My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.
ZACH BRAFF

Actor Country People Star
Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They’re probably still hanging there.
ZACH BRAFF

Black People Tree
Yea, he’s alright…but he’s no Zach Braff.
ZACH BRAFF

Alright Exactly Fine Happy
I figure it this way – if a woman claims she didn’t want me to fudge her, then you already know she’s a liar. So what the hell’s the point of a trial, y’know?
ZACH BRAFF

Fudge Liar Trial

My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.

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My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.

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