Whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children’s hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
ZACH BRAFFSometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she’s saying. Come on, she’s a woman. But still, it’s very cute.
More Zach Braff Quotes
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Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
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I can’t watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where’s the substantive news? Where’s the Zach Braff coverage?
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It’s hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
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I figure it this way – if a woman claims she didn’t want me to fudge her, then you already know she’s a liar. So what the hell’s the point of a trial, y’know?
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My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.
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If I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
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The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I’ll tell you that much.
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A lot of people say colonialism was ‘evil’ or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don’t think it should be considered ‘racist’ to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
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I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
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I don’t think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.
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I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league – I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you’re interested.
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Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.
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Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
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It’s always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone’s looking to me for guidance.
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I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
ZACH BRAFF