The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
ZACH BRAFFSometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.
More Zach Braff Quotes
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I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
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When you’re the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there’s no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
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Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
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People keep asking me whether I’m going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I’m like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.
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When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
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I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.
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If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn’t really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it’s light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
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Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they’re all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn’t sway that way, you know?
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Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
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It’s always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone’s looking to me for guidance.
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If I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
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My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.
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Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it’s in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
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It’s… it’s such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I’ll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.
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I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
ZACH BRAFF







