The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
ZACH BRAFFI think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league – I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you’re interested.
More Zach Braff Quotes
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I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.
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It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It’s like denying the cure for polio or something.
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I figure it this way – if a woman claims she didn’t want me to fudge her, then you already know she’s a liar. So what the hell’s the point of a trial, y’know?
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The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I’ll tell you that much.
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People ask me, ‘Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?’ I always tell them that there’s nothing on earth better than being famous.
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So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It’s like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn’t deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.
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It’s… it’s such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I’ll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.
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If I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
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Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it’s in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
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When you’re the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there’s no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
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Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.
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My co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.
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Of course I don’t use my A-material, it doesn’t matter if they think I’m funny or not because they won’t be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.
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Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.
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I can’t watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where’s the substantive news? Where’s the Zach Braff coverage?
ZACH BRAFF