When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.
ZACH BRAFFI can’t watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where’s the substantive news? Where’s the Zach Braff coverage?
More Zach Braff Quotes
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It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It’s like denying the cure for polio or something.
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If I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
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Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
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Whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children’s hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
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When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
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I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
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It’s always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone’s looking to me for guidance.
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Now, I’m not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I’ll be quite clear. I’ve never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me.
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When you’re the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there’s no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
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So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It’s like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn’t deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.
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I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
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Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter
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The success of ‘Scrubs’ allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater.
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I’m a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don’t know the difference and, let’s face it, they aren’t going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
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Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn’t they just swim to safety?
ZACH BRAFF