Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDSI never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I drink therefore I am.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS