I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDSI never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS