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Do I look like I’ve been crying?’ I say. ‘Hmm.’ He leans in close, narrowing his eyes like he’s inspecting my face.

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I feel like myself, strong and weak at once – allowed, at least for a little while, to be both.
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I feel the monster of grief again, writhing in the empty space where my heart and stomach used to be.
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Do I look like I’ve been crying?’ I say. ‘Hmm.’ He leans in close, narrowing his eyes like he’s inspecting my face.
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I also don’t believe that whatever comes after life depends on my correctly reciting a list of my transgressions…I don’t believe that what comes after depends on anything I do at all.
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If I let a little of the emotion out, all of it will come out, and it will never end.
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Shh,” I say. “Arms around me.” Obediently, he slips both arms around my waist. I smile at the wall. I am not enjoying this. I am not, not even a little bit, no.
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My mother knit scarves for the neighborhood kids. My father helped Caleb with his homework. There was a fire in the fireplace and peace in my heart, as I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and everything was quiet.
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I keep finding myself stifled by the company of others and then crippled by loneliness when I leave them.
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I have never been carried around by a large boy, or laughed until my stomach hurt at the dinner table, or listened to the clamor of a hundred people all talking at once. Peace is restrained; this is free.
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…there is power in self-sacrifice.
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Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can’t escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other.
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My mother told me once that we can’t survive alone, but even if we could, we wouldn’t want to.
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Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you.
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In order to have peace, we must first have trust.
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We kiss again and this time, it feels familiar.
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To live factionless Is not just to live in poverty and discomfort; it is to live divorced from society, separated from the most important thing in life: community.
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Lies require commitment.
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He is stronger than anyone I know, and warmer than anyone else realizes; he is a secret that I have kept, and will keep for the rest of my life.
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Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved for the sake of something greater.
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“Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.” She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an underground tunnel.
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Killing you is not the worst thing they can do to you,” I say. “Controlling you is.
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How have I never realized before that for all the strong, kind parts of him, there are also hurting, broken parts?
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He stares at me, and I don’t look away. He isn’t a dog, but the same rules apply. Looking away is submissive.
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I know exactly how we fit together, his arm around my waist, my hands on his chest, the pressure of his lips on mine. We have each other memorized.
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