I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT