Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT