If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT