Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT