I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT