black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Steven Wright

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Friendship Gift Myself Sex
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Friendship Himself
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Evolution Monkey Science
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Myself Right Thinking Time
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Myself People
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Funny Hands Himself Mom
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appointment Dental Eat Herself Time Visit Wait
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Kill Learning Love Myself Time
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Listening Mistake Yourself
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Literature Word
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT

One Liner People
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Darkness Device Myself
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fight Funny Gift Myself Room

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Steven Wright Quotes