How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTDepression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT






