All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHTDepression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT