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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?

Steven Wright

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bacteria Culture People
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Control Death Game Yourself
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Eyes Myself Prescription Ran Walk
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bill Country Freedom Funny Phone Talk
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Age Anxiety Funny Myself Time
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Kill Learning Love Myself Time
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Different Fingers Hands
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Idiot Ocean Stand Wait
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Goodness Myself Oneself Worth
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Listening Mistake Yourself
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fall Feeling Myself Sit Time
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Average Level People Yourself
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Myself People
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Devil Evil Fantasy Funny Taste True

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?

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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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