Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT