Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT