Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT