Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHTI got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHTConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTEverywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTFor my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHTIt was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT