The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT