All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT