In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHTEveryone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT