Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHTHalf the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHTAll those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHTTell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHTFive out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHTA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHTIt was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT