You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT