I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Clones are people two.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT