Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGANMoney can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






