Its all in the mind, you know.
SPIKE MILLIGANBeauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN