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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

Spike Milligan

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Case Lost Number
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Heart Love Nation Patriot Yourself
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Food Invention Reason
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself Talk
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Listening Myself Pain Talk
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Confusion Father Myself Name
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Myself Sick Yourself
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Eat Hungry Myself
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Children Dog Funny Rich
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Planning Preparation Wrong

To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

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