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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

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Death Hope Myself Sing Yourself

Bagwalas

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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Death Life Sick
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
Its all in the mind, you know.
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Mindset One Liner Yourself
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Death Himself Man
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Enough Food Politics
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Case Lost Number
In the human race today, you came last.
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Human Race Yourself
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Better Class Enemy Friendship Money Yourself
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Farm Hands Himself Wife
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Death Eat Hungry Myself
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Appearance Funny Myself Time
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Come Myself Quiet
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Chance Happiness Money Myself
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Age Body Myself Time

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