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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.

Spike Milligan

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Class Expectation Morning Yourself
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Human Race Yourself
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Man Vehicle
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Body Myself Time
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Children Dog Funny Rich
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Joke Laughter Myself Sing
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Himself Man
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Father Funny Himself Influence Mad
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Coward Hero Legs Myself

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.

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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.

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Popular Authors

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