There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGANIs there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN