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Except for half a dozen in each town the citizens are proud of that achievement of ignorance which is so easy to come by.

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There are so many people in the world who are eager to do for you things that you do not wish done, provided only that you will do for them things that you don’t wish to do.
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It’s one of our favorite American myths that broad plains necessarily make broad minds, and high mountains make high purpose.
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A sensational event was changing from the brown suit to the gray the contents of his pockets. He was earnest about these objects. They were of eternal importance, like baseball or the Republican Party.
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You’re so earnest about morality that I hate to think how essentially immoral you must be underneath.
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When audiences come to see us authors lecture, it is largely in the hope that we’ll be funnier to look at than to read.
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He loved the people just as much as he feared and detested persons.
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Most of us who work — or want to work — will always have trouble or discontent. So we must learn to be calm, and train all our faculties, and make others happy.
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Being a man given to oratory and high principles, he enjoyed the sound of his own vocabulary and the warmth of his own virtue.
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My chief objection is that 99% of sermons and Sunday School teachings are so agonizingly dull.
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Writers have a rare power not given to anyone else: we can bore people long after we are dead.
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Every man is a king so long as he has someone to look down on.
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