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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly

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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Ben Big Clock Country Cousin Find Gay
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Honest Luck Politician Run Way
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Interrupt Spoken Wife Year
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Act Actor Each Expose Himself Nide Time
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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All Antier Chocolate Cook Got Mae Mouse Stuck Throat Wife
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Always Found Kid Move Parent
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon

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