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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly

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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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All Antier Chocolate Cook Got Mae Mouse Stuck Throat Wife

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