“They didn’t want it good, they wanted it Wednesday.”

May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.

A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own…

Never insult anyone by accident.

The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.

The only solution known to science is to provide the patient with an isolation room, where he can endure the acute stages in private and where food can be poked in to him with a stick.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don’t ever count on having both at once.

An armed society is a polite society.

One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.

Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn’t there.

It’s an indulgence to sit in a room and discuss your beliefs as if they were a juicy piece of gossip.

One could write a history of science in reverse by assembling the solemn pronouncements of highest authority about what could not be done and could never happen.

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.