Someone Quotes

You think you’re going to Toledo but you’re actually going to Miami and you might not have enough gas so you might need to buy gas from someone who might take you out if you aren’t driving well

Until someone else does… marry yourself

Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone… than I ever have before.

My comedy comes from pain. I can’t stand to see someone hurting.

I have such a fantastic life that I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for it. . . . But I don’t have anyone to express my gratitude to. This is a void deep inside me, a void of wanting someone to thank, and I don’t see any plausible way of filling it.

There’s a deep-seated paranoia that Americans have about not being Americans or something.

No. I don’t want to need anybody. I want someone to need me … I want someone to need me.

Nothing can steal happiness, peace, away from you: if anyone does make you angry, you are the loser; if someone can allow you to lose peace, you are the loser.

When they say you’re the best, I always remember that the majority of the audience probably thinks someone else should have gotten the award.

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.