“Not all librarians are evil cultists. Some librarians are instead vengeful undead who want to suck your soul.”

I am not a jazz singer. I wouldn’t place myself on that footing. I wouldn’t even enter that arena.

[On his 83rd birthday] Physical condition or advancing of age are not obstacles to a perfect life. God does not look at external things but at the soul.

Because the child must have a valuable thing which is called imagination. The child must have a secret world in which live things that never were. It is necessary that she believe.

London is a fantastic creator of jobs – but many of these jobs are going to people who don’t originate in this country.

You fall off the horse and you get back on.

Beneath the Sacred Host, Christ is contained, the Redeemer of the world

My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?

St. Joseph was a just man, a tireless worker, the upright guardian of those entrusted to his care. May he always guard, protect and enlighten families.

Yes, the heart breaks. But, it also heals.

There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.

Life is too short to play bad music

Americans like a winner. If you lose, you’re nothing. I’m going to win, though. It’s good for the match that Spassky has a plus score against me. We’ve met five times. He’s won three times and we’ve drawn twice. But I’m a stronger player and a long match favors me.

We were on the island of Hawaii. I think I was there three months. It was fantastic. It is not much different than films. It depends on the television show but much of television today is as good or better than most films.

Joel, lad, school is about learning to learn. If you don’t practice studying things you don’t like, then you’ll have a very hard time in life.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

I live by the motto of “chase your dream, make your dream your job, make your job your life.”

If I had a religion, its deity would be Audysseus, the sound God, and He would be a vengeful god, dishing out eternal damnation to people with cheap stage monitors.