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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Accidental Day Enjoy Ever Gin Iron Only Steam Time
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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Just Justice Like Look Photograph
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Along Always Easy Only Same Tell Understand
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year

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