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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Finish Half Hour Last Minute
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Country Discover Elect Eyewear Just Measurement People Person
There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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Bake Buildup Crud Cupcake Open Roo Single Such
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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Gold Have Health Important Jewelry Next Things
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Curve Set Smile Straight
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Cheap Christmas Committed Eve Fre Husband Kids Santa Shot Suicide Tell
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Hate Mingle Moher Once Orphanage Told Took
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera

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