It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhat I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER