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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’

P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Flatter Gossip Object Present
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Government Illegal Product Sell
America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Better Country Damned Found Please
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Democrat Government Lawn Make Party Republican Smarter
The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Classroom Problem Public School Underfund Union
I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Dangerm Charm Meet Personal Politician Rare
Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Bad Family Love Messy Pattern Wallpaper
Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Everybody Everything Happy Idea Insane Law Liberal
Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE

College Seriousness Stupiditym Sent
Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Hope Ideology Imptent Journalism Joy Luxuniate Politics
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Benefit Divorce Good Long Married Stay Sympathy Ter
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Difficult Discipline Parent Properly Size
Regulation creates a moral hazard.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Create Hazard Morale Regulation
Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Appeal Effective Itself Organization Powerful Response Right Social Sometimes
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Adult Deal Great Health Mind Other Slow Spoil Turn Word Young
Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Call Him Ignorant Knowledge Licence Man Show Vast Wise

In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’

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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’

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