Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
P. J. O'ROURKECleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
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Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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The minute somebody joins a committee… they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'ROURKE