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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.

P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Car Chief Device Increase Mechanical Number Particularly
I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Computer Gaze Know One Suppose Use
Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Business Cancer Country Nice Place Show Southern Spread
Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Bote Careless Conceal Every Bote Harmful Number Serial Trace Vote
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Benefit Divorce Good Long Married Stay Sympathy Ter
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Greet Hat Lady Nothing Off Stupid Taken
Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Fault Invent Liberal Major Psychology Sociology Study Women
Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Biological Child Each Fact Fatherhood Mother Requires Well
My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Dad Die Fellow Haste Marry Mom Sense Young
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Children Everybody Except Know People Raise
Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Death Enough Escape God Help Important Jeep Son Therefore Wrong
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Act Enough Government Idea Pay People Whole
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Behaviour Drunk Ever Holiday New Proper Season Yera
No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Collapse Daily False Industry Journalism Memory Print
America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Better Country Damned Found Please
Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Edit Simply Surrender

I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.

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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.

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Popular Authors

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