Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'ROURKENew Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
P. J. O'ROURKE