There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
P. J. O'ROURKESeriousness is stupidity sent to college.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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A fundamental American question is, ‘What’s the big idea?’
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud. You can apply that rule to left-wing social programs, but you can also apply that rule to credit derivatives, hedge funds, all the rest of it.
P. J. O'ROURKE