“Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.”

Who, being loved, is poor?

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.

Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.

The world is a stage and the play is badly cast.

Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing.

Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Hear no evil, speak no evil, and you won’t be invited to cocktail parties.

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend’s success.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

The nicest feeling in the world is to do a good deed anonymously-and have somebody find out.

There is no sin except stupidity.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m in my right mind. Then it passes off and I’m as intelligent as ever.

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

In all my research I have never come across matter. To me the term matter implies a bundle of energy which is given form by an intelligent spirit.

All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force… We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.

Perhaps we’ve never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon earth and decided there’s no sign of intelligent life.

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.

Humor is wit and love.

I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am.