I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERSThank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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Better laid than never.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
JOAN RIVERS -
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS