We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERSI have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS -
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
JOAN RIVERS -
You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
JOAN RIVERS -
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERS -
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS -
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS -
You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
JOAN RIVERS -
Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
JOAN RIVERS -
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
JOAN RIVERS -
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERS -
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS -
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS -
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS