The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
JERRY SEINFELDI can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELD