“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.”

If you ask 99.9 percent of parents who have children with autism if we’d rather have the measles versus autism, we’d sign up for the measles.

Hope is the greatest thing for moms of autism. Hope is what gets us out of bed in the morning. I’m on a mission to tell parents that there is a way.

I wanted to be in Jim Carrey comedy movies before I met him. I wanted to be a comedian on Stage 19, yukking it up.

Information on how to heal autism and how to possibly delay vaccines or prevent autism shouldn’t come from me. It should come from the medical establishment.

Just keep trying, and your dreams will come true. But you have to give it all your time, effort, and soul.

You don’t need a pickup line. Just glance at a woman from across the room. Glance – don’t stare.

The idea that vaccines are a primary cause of autism is not as crackpot as some might wish. Autism’s 60-fold rise in 30 years matches a tripling of the US vaccine schedule.

I’m free of stress and worries now because if I don’t like something I’m doing, I just find the fun in it instead of being miserable. Let me have fun with the people I work with, let me have fun making money – when I grew up so poor, ya know?

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you’re a nun. Jesus can’t dump nuns.

Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many casting couches I was attacked on. Not just by casting people, but by stars. And when I wouldn’t give them my number, they’d say, “Who the hell do you think you are? You will never make it in this town. I’ll make sure of it.”

When I travel, I like to take advantage of room service. I’m really into eggs Benedict in the morning.

Without a doubt in my mind, I believe that vaccinations triggered Evan’s autism.

So basically, I don’t know what I’m talking about. But maybe I do.

I’m the worst person to tell anybody how to date.

I usually have my protein at lunch and my carbs at night – I don’t mix protein and carbs.