Always remember this: If you don’t attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
H. L. MENCKENEvery normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
More H. L. Mencken Quotes
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The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
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The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful.
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A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic passion.
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On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
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No professional politician is ever actually in favor of public economy. It is his implacable enemy, and he knows it. All professional politicians are dedicated wholeheartedly to waste and corruption. They are the enemies of every decent man.
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When fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
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There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”
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There is no idea so stupid that you can’t find a professor who will believe it.
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Socialist: A man suffering from an overwhelming conviction to believe what is not true.
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What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
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The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.
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A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
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A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
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After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.
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Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
H. L. MENCKEN