If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARXEveryone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARXWhy, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARXDie in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXIf you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARXI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXQuote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARXMy mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARXAny place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARXOne morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX