Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXThe trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I only write first editions.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX