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People think you get paid millions by the BBC if you’re famous, but me? Me, I’m in the Premier Inn in Gillingham.

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I have a tailor now, I have a doctor, a wine merchant, a jeweller, a gardener, a cleaner, and a nanny. It was clearly ridiculous that I did not have a hairdresser. So I got one.
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I always say what I think to be amusing.
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My dad never really wrote what he thought. None of his inner rage and darkness and problems, which we all have, made it on to the page. For him, writing was a process of making everything appear funny.
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He was a staffer at Punch but in the evening he wrote columns for the Evening Standard and The Times.
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Column Evening Punch Staffer Standard Time Wrote
Of course you can get a decent mouthful of food in New York. You can get a decent mouthful of food in Nairobi.
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When I write I inhabit a personality that is and is not me.
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Instant gratification is bringing this planet to its knees.
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You can get a decent mouthful of food in Warsaw or Chad if you look hard enough. It’s just I wouldn’t actually go there looking for the food.
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I tried to leave the city once, for one of those other places. And, my God, the silence. I could hear myself think, and found that I wasn’t. I am not designed to be lonely as a cloud.
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My sister’s also very, very competitive but she is more concerned than I am with being liked. So she hides it away. I try to make my competitiveness part of my charm.
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World cross-fertilization is fantastic. Immigration across the world has led to all kinds of fantastic new and exciting kinds of food being available. And there’s all kinds of different kinds of restaurants.
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I think unionization of labour is a great thing.
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The good fortune of my life, which has been to turn those glittering nights into my job, all came from there.
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