First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNSHappiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
More George Burns Quotes
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS