Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNSHappiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
More George Burns Quotes
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
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Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS






