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Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

Emo Philips

One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.
EMO PHILIPS

Carpet Game Man Oneself
My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
EMO PHILIPS

Eyes Man Myself Relationship
Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
EMO PHILIPS

Devil Murder Oneself Time Tough
I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
EMO PHILIPS

Amusement Job Myself Park Ride Seat Terrify
I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
EMO PHILIPS

Confidence Earth Myself Oneself Purpose
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
EMO PHILIPS

Children Myself Name
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
EMO PHILIPS

Career Hypocrisy Myself Woman
I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
EMO PHILIPS

Life Myself Please Reality Win
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
EMO PHILIPS

Fight Funny Himself Myself Time
Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
EMO PHILIPS

Drop Food Funny Myself Relationship Spoon
So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
EMO PHILIPS

Moron Myself Stand Wall
All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPS

Earth Hate Live Nation Peace Prejudice Reality Reason Togetherness
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
EMO PHILIPS

Cheating Funny Herself Man Relationship See
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
EMO PHILIPS

Age Courage Myself School Time
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
EMO PHILIPS

Heart Myself Old Place Time Woman
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
EMO PHILIPS

Caress Head Myself Night Respond

Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

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Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Emo Philips Quotes