Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPSI’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
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My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
EMO PHILIPS