My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
EMO PHILIPSThey have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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Now there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
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I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPS