A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
EMO PHILIPSThe way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
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New York’s such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, “I’d like a card.” He says, “You have to prove you’re a citizen of New York.” So I stabbed him.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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I’d be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I’d run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.
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